When You Can't Go Outside

A renewed appreciation for the great outdoors (& blood donors)

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This post is written by Annalise.

It’s been more than a month since I’ve gone for a real walk, let alone a hike or bike or ski.

At the beginning of February, I gave birth to my second son. I won’t get into the gory details, but there were some extremely rare and major complications following his birth. I was rushed to the operating room three separate times, lost two litres of blood, needed three blood transfusions, and spent nearly a week in hospital.

Extremely thankful for blood donors

Since stepping out of the hospital doors (and feeling wonderful, brisk, fresh air on my face for the first time in many days) I’ve spent more time in bed and on my couch than ever before in my life.

That bed was home for nearly a week

My nurses and doctors repeatedly warned me to take it slow upon my return home, and my recovery has, thus far, been just that: slow. In between napping and cuddling and feeding my very hungry newborn, I’ve had plenty of time to pine for the great outdoors. I’ve craved the mountains, the trees, and the activities I love to do in them, in a way that’s difficult to put into words.

This is not a woe is me post, rather, it’s a recognition and a reflection that how we go outside shifts and changes — sometimes expectedly and other times unexpectedly.

Anyone who spends time outside recognizes that not every year, not every season, is going to be a good one. Wildfires can rapidly cancel summer plans. Lack of snow can put a big dent in winter plans (as it has for many this year.) The unpredictability is part of the adventure.

Life circumstances and physical health can change how you go outside. An injury can wipe out an entire ski season. In recent years, my outdoor adventures have changed, as I’ve navigated two difficult pregnancies (thanks to hyperemesis aka severe nausea and constant vomiting for nine months) and then adapted to adventuring with a little one in tow.

But, I’ve always still gone outside. I adopted a ‘I can feel miserable and be sick at home, or feel a bit better, get some fresh air and puke outside’ attitude during my two pregnancies and I lost track of the trails and campsites where I was sick. Following the birth of my first son in late 2021, I found so much joy outside: my happy place. I eased back into walking then snowshoeing, skiing, hiking, biking, running and backpacking.

What’s been so different about the last five weeks is that it’s the first time, ever, in my life I just haven’t gone outside, other than the occasional porch sit on warm days. Being up and about in my own home is both exhausting and painful and my recovering body isn’t yet ready to walk around my neighbourhood, let alone do any of the outdoor activities I love.

Instead, I’ve laid in bed, cuddled my baby, and lived vicariously through others; watching strangers enjoy the great outdoors via documentaries, longreads, blog posts, and social media. My TikTok algorithm has fed me non-stop #VanLife content and I’ve gone down rabbit holes of van builds. My For You feed has also been heavy on the ski content, and I’ve felt my heart pound as I watch others attempt narrow chutes or big jumps.

At the end of the day, I know my current physical state is not forever, and I am so (so, so, so!) looking forward to feeling well enough to venture outside and embark on an adventure. I deeply miss moving my body outside, the connection that comes with being outdoors with loved ones, and the feelings of calm and peace and accomplishment when you’re high on a summit. And, I know these things will be even sweeter when I finally get to do them again.

P.S. Please donate blood if you are able; it saved my life, along with so many others.

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⛰️🥾️ Go Outside is written by Annalise & Cailynn — writers, outdoor enthusiasts and sisters who’ve been hiking, biking and skiing near Calgary since childhood and continue to be happiest outside.

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